Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A haiku

My mind’s always full

But my wallet is empty

I hate adulthood

Thursday, December 19, 2013

I accidentally stumbled back upon my self worth

And now I’m trying to learn how to be healthy again

It hasn’t been easy when hurting myself has become routine

Not physically, but through the company I’ve kept

I guess here’s to hoping the end result is worth it

Because right now this loneliness is my withdrawal period and the light at the end of the tunnel seems a bit too blinding

Sunday, December 8, 2013

When you apologized

For your mouth tasting like cigarettes

All I could think was

"Well, ever since I quit, I’ve missed it" 

Isn’t it lovely

When people love the things you expect them not to?

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I’m starting to realize I only miss you at 2 am

And there’s nothing wrong with that

I guess I just need to become a morning person.

Monday, December 2, 2013

I just wanted to be happy. Happy with you, if we’re getting specific. 

I’m sorry I wasn’t enough to make you as happy as you made me. I’m sorry you thought you’d find your happiness in the sweet sentiments of someone else, someone I’m sure has many good qualities that I lack but still didn’t give you what you wanted. I’m sorry you mistook my passion for immaturity and my heartbreak as hyperbole. I’m sorry you don’t understand the difference between forgiving someone for their past actions and continuing to repeat them without expectation of consequence. I’m sorry you couldn’t see the humor in the futility of trying to fix something irreparable.  

Mostly, I’m sorry I lied to myself for long. And I’m sorry I accepted all of your empty apologies for so long. 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

fellatioh:

A bunch of unedited footage of me raving about X-Men #1 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

fellatioh:

How can you not feel the same way? How do you not notice all of the small intricacies that might as well be a cosmic neon sign to our compatibility? How can you just ignore how perfectly my head rests on your chest and allows me to feel the steady beating of your heart, which has become one of my favourite songs? How can you ignore how fate has an uncanny ability to draw us to one another? How can you ignore the blatant physical attraction that exists between us? How can you ignore the synchronicity of our witty banter? How can you ignore how badly I crave you? How can you not feel the same way? 

Oh, right. Because I’m not what you want. I’m not a shiny, vapid doll for you to impress with your humor and formulated romanticism. I’m an intellectual equal; I’m more attractive mentally than physically, and you can’t handle that. I can empathize with you and challenge you instead of providing a shallow laugh-track to your ego, and that scares you.

No, I’m not what you want. But I just so happen to be exactly what you need. Have fun with your dolls.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

"I need you to insult me"

"But, I dont want to insult you"

"But you HAVE to. Right now." She said defiantly, eyes fixed onto his.

He knew when she got like this there was no other way. He took a deep breath and went

"I think its incredibly immature when you insult people because you think its funny and no one else likes it either."

He winced as he said the last few words, as he was expecting a slap in the face for such an incisive criticism. Instead, her face fell momentarily, but regained its composure quickly enough so that if you hadn’t known her very long (and he did) you would’ve missed it. “I’m so sor—” he managed to get out before she grabbed him and kissed him. After a few seconds she released him to his appropriately confused state. 

"Good. That means there’s something about me that you hate. Which means you know I’m not perfect. Now that we’ve got that squared away, we can move on." 

A haiku

Dear humanity, 

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Signed, disappointed.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

You say I met you at a very strange time in your life.

But, I can’t help but think, my life is always strange.

So I suppose it’s just lovely to meet you at all.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Reality is a tricky subject. The nature of reality has been a favourite of philosophers, scientists, religious scholars and artists alike. The tangibility of objects and certainty of experiences are often taken into consideration; however these truths become skewed when variables such as time and perspective are thrown in.

I suppose it isn’t too crazy, then, that I feel as I exist within two realities at any given time.

There is my ‘actual’ reality, the one in which I go to work, school, to the grocery store, or maybe to a museum or party. This is the reality in which I have a stable relationship, good friends, and a well paying job.

But then I enter my alternate reality at night, where everything becomes questionable and I can only think with immediacy. It’s an ethereal intangibility that only emotion can create. It isn’t in the nature of the then and now, or the future. It is only the now. And within this alternate reality you’re looking at me with eyes that are so soulful I worry some will spill out and I’m questioning at what point these two realities will converge, and what consequences I’ll have to suffer.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

On catcalling

fellatioh:

They say a picture’s worth a thousand words but I could fill an album with photos of what I experience and they’re still worthless. I take mental photographs to help develop them into a sense of my reality. 

Snapshot. I’m walking to CVS and a man says he wants to lick me up and down as he passes me on the sidewalk. Snapshot. I’m sitting on a train as a man discreetly masturbates in an adjacent seat, staring at me with eyes that pierce through me as if I were wearing saran wrap. Snapshot. I’m asked my bra size while trying to talk about the last presidential debate. “Sorry, they’re just distracting”. Snapshot. I was wearing a sweater. I take mental notes on the things said to me with bitter undertones, reminding me that I’m not that pretty anyway so why take so much offense to it. In the same breath I’m being told that they’re harmless.

Tell me they’re harmless. Tell me words can never hurt me. Make me feel irrational for keeping my fingers wrapped around my canister of pepper spray when I’m alone at night.

Snapshot. I’m being followed home again, only this time ‘leave me alone’ means ‘try harder’ and ‘I’m not interested’ means ‘change my mind’ and my pace is quickening and they are more than happy to keep up while asking if I need someone to spend the night because I look so scared. Snapshot. I’m attempting to ignore the comments that indicate they know where I work and where I live, though I’ve never spoken to them before. Snapshot. My door has four locks and I lock them all and still get very little sleep. So go ahead, tell me these things. Tell me them as my pile of mental photographs burn under the fire of my apparent delusion. Oh, that’s right, I’m just being overly sensitive.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

quazarxx-deactivated20120424 asked: Just wanted to say I read your Slutwalk post. I am following you now, I really like what you had to say :) I was unable to participate the one we had in a city in New Zealand but I had friends who went. I hope you are well! <3 :)

Aww, I’m so glad you liked what I wrote! That means a lot to me :) and your support is just as important as any walk! I’m great and hope you are too!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Anonymous asked: Not only do I like your blog (haha I found it) but I also am OBSESSED with you secretly. Ok here we go.. I got this idea from a Tumblr spam I got once lol.. I think you like me too and you were always too shy to admit it :3 go to crushmatches(dót)com (wtf it wont let me link regular) and make an account there. Then look up the profile 'gottagetme19' (me obviously) I left body pictures.. if you can guess who I am hit me up and we'll hang soon. You need a C C but its free

oh GOD really

Sunday, October 9, 2011

An Overview of Occupy Wall St, From a Fledgling Protester

After briefly visiting OWS earlier this week, and having friends visiting from Boston [and attendees of Occupy Boston themselves] we decided to return to the epicenter of the movement. 

I can’t even begin to express my awe of the “village” the protesters have built and their near-impeccable organization. The People’s Library, the buffet-style food distribution [free and warm meals], the sleeping arrangements, and the seemingly infinite signs located everywhere. It was beautiful.

Recycling, sharing, and music were some of the things that stood out to me the most. The generosity and, well, solidarity displayed by the 99% is so apparent. The peaceful nature and creative ways to circumvent and still obey regulations was probably the highlight of it for me.

Whenever someone would ring out “Mic check!” among us, we were sure to reply in kind, in order to get the message out due to the inability to use megaphones.

As I sat on the wall with my sign [“Can’t afford a $ign”] and like minded people, the idea of nobody listening or paying attention seemed ludicrous. Honestly, if I had a dollar for every tourist/citizen/spectator who made a comment about or took a picture of me and my sign, let alone the entire movement….well, I’d probably be in the 1% right now. Throughout the march, our chants and invitations to any spectator to come join us filled the sidewalks [we didn’t want another Brooklyn Bridge incident on our hands] almost as overwhelmingly as our presence. The NYPD, thankfully, was peaceful and I didn’t witness any altercations or words exchanged for my time there. 

The only time I really felt insulted or heated was when someone felt the need to comment to me to “get a job”, to which I yelled back “I have two and I’m still in debt, what’s your excuse?!” Really now, critics have been so quick to assume that the movement is a bunch of jobless whining brats who won’t get anything done. And I agree, there are plenty of those, and trustafarians whose parents corporate jobs are allowing them to come out, but those are not a reflection of the whole. This issue affects 99% of us after all, so we need to start acting like it does. 

This has already spread nationwide, and I’ve had friends go to Occupy Boston, LA, and Miami. I’ve read accounts of Denver, Seattle and Tulsa. We are growing. It’s already been proven this is more than some angry hippies in a park. If you haven’t stopped by a protest near you, at least research the movement. It’s pretty amazing, and worth looking into. Even if you don’t agree. Hell, especially if you don’t agree.